Surviving the Grief Olympics

Grief is often misunderstood as a linear journey, a path with a clear beginning, middle, and end. However, the reality is far more complex and unpredictable. Grief is not a straight line but a winding road full of unexpected turns, steep climbs, and sudden drops. It can be as unpredictable as a pendulum, swinging back and forth between moments of calm and intense emotion.

Renowned psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her groundbreaking book On Grief and Grieving, explores the multifaceted nature of grief, emphasizing that it is not a one-size-fits-all experience. While Kübler-Ross introduced the well-known five stages of grief, she also highlighted that these stages are not necessarily experienced in order, nor do they encompass the full scope of one’s emotional journey. Grief can be messy, with emotions overlapping and recurring, often when we least expect it.

When we lose someone we love, whether through death, the end of a significant relationship, or the loss of a job, the waves of grief can hit us suddenly and without warning. One moment, we might feel like we’re coping well, and the next, we’re overwhelmed by a flood of emotions that seem to come out of nowhere. This unpredictability can be jarring, making it feel like we’re on a rollercoaster, where the ground beneath us is constantly shifting.

For example, the grief following the death of a loved one may feel unbearable at first, then gradually subside, only to resurface with unexpected intensity on birthdays, anniversaries, or seemingly random days. Similarly, the grief from losing a job or ending a significant relationship can emerge when we least expect it—a song on the radio, a familiar scent, or even a passing thought can trigger a wave of sadness or longing.

This non-linear nature of grief doesn’t mean we’re not healing; it simply reflects the depth of our loss and the ongoing process of adjusting to a new reality. Each person’s grief journey is unique, with no set timeline or predictable pattern. It’s important to allow ourselves the space to feel these emotions as they come, without judgment or pressure to move on too quickly. Grief may not follow a straight path, but with time, patience, and self-compassion, we learn to navigate its twists and turns.

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